The Values of Dispute

We all have opinions - sometimes they compliment, contradict, coincide or just plain crash with those of others. What makes our opinions so strong that we find ourselves unwilling to adjust them - even if there's the ever-so-slight chance we might be ------ wrong?

Opinions are not just about how we define our beliefs, but they are birthed from our value systems that define ourselves. When our opinions are value-based, meaning they strongly stem from the set of values we hold and honor, we may find ourselves slightly defensive if we feel those values are being questioned or attacked.

Values are standards or beliefs that people use to measure or judge what is right and what is wrong, what is moral and what is immoral, fair and unfair. Values are used to guide us through life, indicating how we should and should not behave. They vary according to individuals, society and culture. They are created slowly over a long period of time through the influence of family (parents and siblings), society (traditions, culture), religion (beliefs), education, work and friends. The values we have set for ourselves seldom change once they are established, according to Christopher W. Moore, of the mediation and conflict management training firm, CDR Associates, but a change in values may occur as the result of a life-altering change, an extensive period of time has passed, or extreme outside pressure. Not likely during the time of a heated discussion.

We operate under three different levels of values. Self-definition, also known as moral values, are the deepest and most basic values we carry because they identify who we really are. Candor may be an especially important value to me because I respect and believe in direct communication, was raised in an individualistic society/culture and feel it is a waste of time to “beat around the bush”. Candor is important because it identifies an aspect of the inner me and what makes me who I am.

Terminal values “guide the behavior of an individual or group in most areas of their lives,” according to Moore. These values explain and offer a historical background on us. It is identity by class, religion, sexuality, nationality, etc. We find these values expressed through signs and symbols of patriotism. If you have an American flag hanging outside of your house, it may be because you consider nationality to be a terminal value, and you are an American and proud of what that stands for and the identity you adopt from its meaning. Operational values “are strong beliefs, attitudes, or preferences that guide day-to-day activities and interactions”. They are considered to be the “standard and norms” by which we live our daily lives. These norms will vary according to culture and society. For instance, expectations for timeliness and meetings and the value of being on time will be different in an individualistic society compared to a collectivistic one where time is not viewed in the same manner.

Strong values often surface in disputes and sometimes blur the focus of the initial debated points and issue at hand. But awareness that values are present in arguments can aid us in understanding the unwavering stance or emotion that is often present in discussion turned debate. The true value comes when we are able to pause, re-examine the facts presented in an argument, listen empathetically, open our minds, and consider the possibility of adjusting our beliefs. Afterall, everything is negotiable, except truth - in my opinion.